"I Love You This Big"

It's crazy to me that one year ago yesterday, Matthew started at daycare and I was back to work full time. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life, many tears were shed at my desk as I thought about what he was doing, how much I missed him and counting down the minutes until I could see him again. In the past year, I have watched him grow from that tiny baby I left on the playmat in the morning and picked up in pretty much the same spot in the afternoon to the toddler who runs to play when I drop him off, comes back to give me a hug goodbye and comes running over to me when I pick him up with his arms open.  I still have some days where I am very sad wishing I could be home with him, and I still count down the minutes until I get to see him again, but watching him grow into a big boy has brought me so much joy, the tears I shed now are of happiness. 

Three things in the past two days have had me tearing up at my desk at work. First is this photo that a co-worker sent to me.

Second is Scotty McCreery's song "I Love You This Big", which I happened to be listening to when I looked at the photo. The lyrics are about a young boy in love but many of them remind me of Matthew, especially "I'll love you to the moon and back. I'll love you all the time. Deeper than the ocean. And higher than the pines." The third thing that made me cry today was this blog list of "25 Rules for Mothers of Sons" that someone posted. 

To be completely honest, I always pictured myself with daughters. My mom had two girls, I just thought I would follow. When I was pregnant with Matthew, I thought he was a girl pretty much the whole time. I had a few boy dreams and sometimes I wavered, but I had a pretty strong "girl" feeling. When the nurse told me it was a boy in the delivery room, I could not have been happier. I loved that little 11 pound baby from the first cry he let out, before I could even see him. I could not picture life with a baby girl right now (maybe one day...), I know that I was meant to have a son. Not any son, but specifically Matthew James Carlson.

Every day there seems to be something new that Matthew does or says and I try to enjoy every minute of our time together each day. I am learning how much patience I have (don't get me wrong...it gets tested, especially when a sippy cup that he thinks should be a bottle is thrown at me first thing in the morning or the little squirmster somehow frees himself on the changing table and things that should be kept in a diaper are not in a diaper anymore)...but I know that it's important for Matthew to express himself and it's all part of his healthy development. And at the end of the day when those big huge, beautiful eyes look up from his crib and he points back at me when I say "I love you" and point to him, I forget about all the "not so good" things he may have done that day and just take in that this sweet baby boy is mine.

He even reads in the car...but
being so cute is sometimes too tiring to stay awake!

He is learning a lot of new words such as apple, purple, duck, ball, book and cookie and he tries to repeat a lot of what we say or he hears from the kids at school (note to self...no bad words), but my favorite word he says is "Mama". He's been saying "Dada" for awhile and started saying "Mama" but not at me but now he knows I am "Mama" and it's awesome. This morning, Rob was "on duty" so I got to sleep in a bit. When it was getting time for Rob to leave, he opened the bedroom door and from down the hall, I could hear the pitter patter of Matthew's snowman pajamas and him yelling "Mama Mama". He ran in, came over to the bed with his baseball book and I scooped him up and he laid with me as we read the whole thing and then went back to look at the pictures again. I love that he loves to read and I love reading to him. I love our nighttime routine of reading all together before bedtime and I'm so happy that we starting this habit at such a young age! I hope that his love of reading continues and we'll do everything we can to help him with his good habits!

This is probably one of many "love filled" blog entries this month. It is February... one of my favorite months! Lots of special dates/date nights in are planned for Valentine's Day and our three year anniversary with both my loves! <3